Why Adults Secretly Miss Being Told What to Do?

There are exactly two times in life when someone tells you where to be, what to wear, and when to eat.

Kindergarten.

And prison.

Everything in between is just chaos.

As adults, we’re constantly making decisions. Which streaming service do I cancel? Which streaming service am I about to accidentally subscribe to again? Should I cook dinner or spend $42 on DoorDash because I “deserve it” after answering three emails?

Nobody prepares you for the mental exhaustion of making 6,000 tiny decisions every day.

By the time you’re 30, walking into Costco without a list feels like you’re competing on a survival show.

“Your challenge is to leave with only toothpaste.”

Forty-five minutes later you’re loading a kayak into your sedan.

It’s why people love guided tours.

Not because they’re educational.

Because someone else says, “We’re going this way.”

Thank God.

Even restaurants have figured this out.

Chef’s tasting menu?

Translation: “Please stop pretending you know what wine pairs with duck.”

And honestly… relief.

This is also why weddings are weirdly enjoyable.

Sure, you’re there to celebrate love.

But you’re also thrilled that someone handed you an itinerary.

4:30 Ceremony.

6:00 Cocktails.

7:00 Dinner.

9:00 Someone’s uncle thinks he’s still got it on the dance floor.

No decisions. Just vibes.

Meanwhile, every group text trying to make dinner plans looks like a United Nations peace summit.

“What do you guys want?”

“I’m down for anything.”

“I’m good with whatever.”

“Actually not sushi.”

“Or burgers.”

“Or Italian.”

“Wait… does anyone know a place with parking?”

Three hours later everyone’s eating cereal at home.

Kids have no appreciation for how good they have it.

A teacher literally says, “Today we’re making macaroni art.”

You don’t have to brainstorm. You don’t have to schedule it. You don’t have to compare reviews.

Just glue noodles to paper and call it a masterpiece.

Adults would pay for that experience.

Actually… they do.

It’s called a paint-and-sip.

Somewhere along the way we convinced ourselves that freedom meant unlimited choices.

Turns out unlimited choices are exhausting.

Sometimes the greatest luxury isn’t a vacation.

It’s someone saying…

“Be here at 7.”

“Sit there.”

“We’ve got the rest.”

Which brings me to something I’ve been thinking about lately.

There’s one place in Chicago where all you have to do is show up, grab a drink, laugh, and let someone else take over for the night.

Funny how that sounds more relaxing than a spa.

If you’re looking for one less decision to make this fall, I’ve got an easy one for you.

Come see me headline Zanies Chicago on October 20.

I’ll handle the jokes.

You just have to decide which friends you’re bringing.

Get your tickets here:

Brad Kofman's Zanies Chicago Headlining Show – October 20⁠.

The show is also listed on our home page, upcoming shows page & the official Zanies calendar.